Disclaimer: The characters of JAG don't belong to me. I just borrowed them from Bellisarius Productions, Paramount and CBS for this story. No infringement intended.

Things My Father Never Gave Me

0401 ZULU
Wednesday, December 19th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Trish Burnett was looking out of the kitchen window when she saw her son's rental car pull into the driveway. She shortly called for Frank that they finally had arrived before she headed out to greet them.

Her smile went to a frown when she saw Harm climbing out of the passenger seat, his arm in a sling and only wearing one shoe.

"Darling, what happened to you?" she exclaimed and ran over to support him.

"It's worse than it looks, mom. I took a little fall." Harm shortly turned back to signal Mac than she better not mention how deep his fall had been when he saw that she was already dragging the bags out of the trunk.

"Mac, what the hell are you doing there?"

"What does it look like?" she groaned and pulled her bag out of the trunk.

"Frank, would you please help her?" Harm pleaded when he saw his stepfather leave the house. "She's supposed to take it easy for the next few days."

Trish shortly glanced at her son, hearing the concern in his voice. Was their more to their relationship than they were telling her? She cast her thoughts aside for a moment as Harm started to hop in direction of the front door after he had made sure Frank would take care of their bags.

"Are you hungry, darling?" Trish asked once in the living room and helped her son lower himself on the couch.

"Starving, mom. We had a quick snack on the way back from Santa Barbara, but we both could really need something to eat."

"I have chicken in the freezer. And before you object, my son, you will eat that chicken because other than red peppers, I have no vegetables left."

Trish headed for the kitchen, leaving Harm alone in the living room. A moment later, Mac and Frank appeared. Much to Harm's relief, he was carrying the bags and not Mac.

"Sarah, why don't I show you to your room for tonight?" Frank asked, then shortly looked over at Harm who nodded at him.

Frank showed Mac to the guestroom at the end of the hallway. It was not big, but comfortable. The first thing she noticed was the window overlooking the ocean.

"It has a nice view, doesn't it?" Frank inquired and put both bags on the ground.

"Oh, it's fabulous." Mac replied in awe. "That is something you don't get to see in DC."

"This is Harm's old room. We let him choose which room he wanted when we first moved in, and he chose this. I don't know whether it was because of the great view or because he could climb out the window very easily. Trish remodeled this room into a guestroom after he moved he out, but she always kept this inside. It has never come off the wall from the moment Harm put it up."

Mac turned around and saw a poster of a F-14 Tomcat, glistening in the morning light.

"This was the first he put up, and for months, it was the only decoration the room had. Then posters of baseball and football players followed, and as fast they were put up, they were put down again. But this Tomcat never left the room."

"You care about him a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. I know Harm never thought of me as his father, not even a surrogate father, but he always treated me with respect. When I met Trish, I knew I would get a son by marrying her. I never tried to take his father's place, it wouldn't have been right. And even if Harm doesn't like me saying it, I consider him my son, though he is not my flesh and blood."

Mac smiled at Frank and lightly squeezed the older man's hand, "He cares a lot about you, I know that. Though he may not have said it out loud, you are not only the man who is married to his mother, you are the man he considers a father. As long as there was hope that Harm SR was still alive, he couldn't let go. Now
after all these years and knowing what happened, it is hard for him to say out loud what having you in his life means to him."

"I know, Sarah, believe me, I know. It doesn't make me love him any less that he's not able to say it. In my heart, I know it, I've always known."

The two were interrupted by Trish walking into the room.

"I see you showed Sarah to their room already, so why don't we let her freshen up a little and you help me with dinner, Frank?"

"I think that is a good idea."

"If you feel like taking a shower, dear, the bathroom is right this way. You will find towels and anything else you might need in the closet. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, so take your time."

Mac said her thank yous to both Trish and Frank before they left for the kitchen. Deciding that taking a shower after all that had happened that day was a refreshing idea, she searched her bag for clean clothes and vanished in the bathroom.





0435 ZULU
Wednesday, December 19th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Mac emerged from the bathroom, drying her wet hair with a fluffy towel. She made her way over to the guestroom to put her dirty clothes away when she noticed that Harm was lying on the bed, napping and snoring softly. He was stripped down till his boxers, his arm was out of the sling and he didn't seem to care about the cool temperature in the room at all.

Mac giggled to herself and dropped the towel on the ground next to the bed. Carefully, trying not to wake him, she sat down on the bed next to him and gently brushed her hand over his taped chest. Harm sleepily
cracked one eye open, and when he saw it was Mac sitting next to him and not his mother, he pulled her down into a tight embrace, nuzzling her damp hair.

"Why can't we stay like this for the rest of the day?" Harm sighed. "What time is it anyway?"

"2037 and 32 seconds. And I am starving." Mac replied and tightened the embrace, but making sure that she wouldn't hurt Harm. "Are we going to tell your parents about the baby tonight?"

"If you don't mind, I'd like to tell them tomorrow. I don't feel like hours of talk tonight."

"Your head, hum?" Mac asked and gently brushed her hand over his forehead while her fingers tangled in his dark hair. "Why don't I go get you two pills of the medication prescribed for your head?"

"I took them before I laid down. My mom had to help me out of my clothes. I felt like I was a little child."

"Then let me help you get dressed and feel like a grown-up man." Mac murmured and pulled out of his embrace.

She stood from the bed and helped him sit up. Then she searched his bag for something to wear, holding her choice up for Harm to approve with a nod.

Finally, after a struggle with Harm's bad arm which didn't seem to cooperate and several groans of pain, Harm was sitting on the bed dressed in khaki colored slacks and a white shirt. His arm was back in a sling, protectively covering his cracked ribs. But when Mac tried to help him up from the bed and told him to put his weight on her because of his sprained ankle, Harm stubbornly sat back down on the bed and started to object.

"You are supposed to take it easy, Mac. I don't think dragging me around the house is what the doctor referred to as easy."

"I am fine, Harm, I can manage."

Harm reached for her hands to stop her, forcing her to look him right into the eyes.

"Please, Mac. You almost gave me heart attack earlier today. I honestly don't wanna see you end up in hospital because you didn't obey doctor's orders. You are carrying our child, so please? If not for me, then do it for junior."

Mac sighed and tucked her head to her side.

"Okay. But I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for junior."

"Once you will see junior's charming smile, you'll be thankful you did."

0512 ZULU
Wednesday, December 19th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Harm sat on the sofa in the living room and watched Mac outside on the patio. She'd decided to get a little fresh air a couple of minutes earlier. Standing at the railing, she watched the waves crash at the shore.

"Is she all right?" Trish asked and sat down on the couch next to her son. "She seemed a little distracted tonight."

"She has a lot on her mind, mom. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. We had a big caseload, and then this investigation... I think she's just enjoying the calmness out there."

"You are worried about her. I can see it in your eyes. What is it, darling? Can I help?"

Harm shook his head, "I don't think so."

"Okay, you don't want to tell me. Then let me guess. You don't need to answer if you don't want to. Though I can't think of any reason for this, but did Sarah reject your proposal?"

"No!" Harm shrieked. "I mean, I haven't even asked her to marry me yet. I planned this for Valentine's Day, but..."

"But what, Harm?"

"I know Sarah Mackenzie well enough to know that she won't accept."

"Excuse me?" Trish gasped. "Harmon Rabb, I saw the way she looks at you. She loves you dearly, son. What gives you an impression that she might not accept?"

"The past, the future." he replied, trying not to touch the real subject of his concern. "Please, mom, I am tired, and my head is throbbing. I don't feel like talking tonight. Can we move this to tomorrow?"

"All right. Go get some rest, you need it. I have to run by the gallery tomorrow morning, so if I am gone when you get up, you know where to reach me. I should be back by lunch time though. Good night, darling."

With a motherly smile, Trish Burnett placed a kiss on his forehead. Harm returned the warm smile, watching after his mother heading for her bedroom. He didn't notice Mac returning from the patio until she sat down on the couch next to him, snuggling close.

"Are you tired?" he asked, kissing her on top of her head.

"A little." she replied.

"Why don't you go to bed, Mac? You need your sleep."

"I think I will just do that. Care to join me?"

"In a minute, okay?"

Mac nodded and kissed him gently on the lips before she got up and headed for the guestroom. After he had made sure that she was gone, Harm struggled to get up from the couch and walked over to the fireplace.

Grabbing a picture from the mantelpiece, he first looked at it in silence before he clutched it close to his heart. With a smile, he placed it back where it stood before and turned to leave for the guestroom.

There on the mantelpiece stood a picture in the moonlight, a picture of a boy and his father - Harmon Rabb and Frank Burnett.

1523 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Trish Burnett was on her way to the kitchen to say goodbye to her husband when she noticed the door to the bathroom was only ajar and the light inside was turned on. Slowly, she pushed the door open and found Mac sitting on the cold floor in front of the toilet.

"Sarah, dear, are you all right?" Trish asked concerned and knelt down next to her.

"Yeah, I am." Mac replied, trying to put on a weak smile. "I caught the flu, that's all. Nothing to worry about."

Remembering the conversation she had had with her son the day before, and remembering that there had been some news they wanted to tell them after their dinner a couple of days ago, Trish knew that it was
not the flu Mac had caught - she was suffering from morning sickness.

"Is this flu you are suffering from maybe called morning sickness?" Trish asked carefully, studying Mac's face for any reaction.

Mac just stared her, and a moment later found herself hanging over the toilet when the sickening feeling reached her stomach again. Trish reached for a washcloth and wet it before handing it over to Mac to clean off her face.

"We didn't want you to find out this way." Mac finally choked out after feeling a little better. "Harm wanted this to be a Christmas present, so please, don't tell him you know."

Trish nodded smilingly, "How long do you know?"

"I did a test Saturday, and my Ob/gyn confirmed it Monday. I wanted to tell Harm on Christmas Day myself, but then he sort of walked in on me while I did the test."

Feeling that Mac didn't sound very thrilled about being pregnant, and remembering the week after she had found out she was expecting Harm, Trish felt Mac needed someone to talk to other than Harm.

"Do you want to talk about it over a cup of tea, dear? I know first time pregnancies can be very confusing to some people."

Mac just nodded silently before she got up from the cold floor and followed Trish into the kitchen. They heard Frank pulling out of the driveway, so they knew they would be alone until Harm would wake up and decide to join them.

"Am I guessing right that this came totally unexpected?" Trish asked and offered Mac a seat at the kitchen counter before she reached for two cups in the cupboard.

"Not exactly," Mac replied, "we both talked about having children together. We didn't do anything to prevent it from happening, but we also didn't try intentionally either. And suddenly 5 months later, I find myself being 3 months pregnant. To be honest, it was a shock."

"Did you talk to Harm about this?"

"No. He was so thrilled from the moment he found out. I always thought I would be as well. I mean, I was longing for a child so long, and now that it happened, I don't know what to feel."

Trish took the kettle from the stove and poured Mac and herself a cup of hot water before reaching for the box with the tea.

"What kind of flavor would you like, dear? I have a special Christmas variation that tastes terrific. You really have to try that."

Mac just smiled at Trish weakly as the older woman handed her a cup with the tea and sat down next to her.

"Let me tell you something, Sarah. Harm SR and I were married for a little over a year when I found out I was expecting. We always wanted children, I more than him, but from the day I found out my darling Harm was on the way, I wasn't so sure anymore if it was a good idea to bring a child into the world I seemed to be living in. My husband was a Naval aviator, serving on an aircraft carrier. I could deal with being alone for several months while he was on sea, but I didn't want my child to grow up seeing his father only every few months. I
know your situation is not the same, but I feel you have the same fears, don't you?"

Mac just nodded silently.

"Sarah, every mother only wants the best for her child. My mother-in-law called it the pregnancy blues I was suffering from. Your body has to adjust to the life growing inside of you. I don't think I need to tell you about your hormones going wild. Believe me, dear, whatever looks like the worst now will look completely different in a week, two weeks from now."

"I never knew what it was like to grow up in a loving family, Trish. How can I possibly raise a child if I don't know what makes out a family?"

"Love, Sarah, love is all your child needs. Your child will not judge you for any mistakes you have made in your life and still will make. He or she will love you no matter what you do."

"I know that this is certainly not true, Trish, but thanks for trying to keep my head up."

Both women looked up when they saw Harm limp into the kitchen.

"What's this about keeping your head up, Marine?" he asked and sat down in a chair next to her before he leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"Oh, we were just talking about Christmas." Trish replied before Mac could, giving her wink with her eyes.

"So you told her we have to go back on Sunday?"

"You won't stay for Christmas?" Trish exclaimed surprised.

"Uh, I thought Mac told you. You said you've been talking about Christmas."

"We have to be report back on Monday morning." Mac piped in."Admiral Chegwidden was gracious enough to give us the next few days off. We thought about taking the last flight back to DC on Sunday night."

"Oh Harm, I thought we would finally get a chance to spend Christmas together again. We also have a new addition to our family this year. I would have loved to spoil Sarah and you over the holidays."

"I am sorry, mom. Next year, I promise."

"I will remind you. There will be no excuse of whatsoever next year."

"No, I promise."





1558 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Mac had retreated to the guestroom to get another hour of sleep, leaving Harm and his mother alone in the kitchen.

"Didn't you say last night you needed to run by the gallery thismorning?" Harm asked nervously, obviously trying to get rid of his mother.

"The gallery can wait. I first want to have a little talk with my son." Trish sat down on a chair next to Harm. "From the beginning, please."

"The beginning of what?" Harm inquired, unsure about what she was talking about.

"You and Sarah. When did you finally open your heart to her and told her you loved her?"

"June, 23rd. On the USS Seahawk, after she saved my life."

"In June?" Trish exclaimed surprised. "Why am I just hearing about this now and not earlier?"

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone that Mac and I are an item. I rather wanted to do it in person. However, we planned a trip to La Jolla for August, but had to cancel it due to work. I didn't even find the time to drive up to Belleville yet to introduce her to grandma Sarah."

"Sarah is such a nice girl, darling."

"That she is, mom."

"Harm, I don't want to pry, but when I was talking to her earlier, she told me that she didn't quite have a happy childhood."

"Her father was an abusive alcoholic, and her mother abandoned her on her 15th birthday. Ever since then, she only saw her mother once, at her father's deathbed. That's all I will tell you. If you want to know details, please ask her. I wouldn't feel very good telling you."

"Okay, I will." Trish replied.

Now she knew why Mac had reacted so strangely when she had said that a child would never care about her mistakes and always love her. Obviously, she had never forgiven her parents the mistakes they had made. She wasn't even sure if Mac had known as a little girl what it was like to be loved and how to love at all.

Just thinking about that made her realize that even though Harm was basically raised without his father, he still had the love of his mother and grandmother. He was loved - though until recently he didn't really know how to love, Trish was sure. All that changed the moment Sarah Mackenzie walked into his life.

"Let's return to that conversation we had last night, Harm. I know you love Sarah dearly, and she returns that love, so why on earth don't you propose to her? You've waited so long to listen to your heart and tell her you love her, don't wait too long to make the next step."

"Don't tell me you don't remember that Mic Brumby fiasco. I told you all about it. How can I possibly ask her after all that?"

Trish nodded, "You did, and apparently you both moved on. Whatever happened between Mac and Mic is long over. What's the real reason? Spill it, Harmon Rabb JR!"

Harm sighed, "I feel that Mac might interpret something wrong into my proposal if I ask her now. Her first marriage was a disaster and..."

"Wait a moment. Are you telling me she's divorced?"

"Legally, she's a widow. She married when she was 18, but left him soon after. She never opted for a divorce though. And that is all I will tell you about this. As I said earlier, if you want to know about Mac and her past, ask her as it doesn't feel right to me talking about these issues without her knowing. She's very
sensitive about this."

"I see, I think I need to have this conversation with both of you, not with one at a time. Maybe then I'll finally be able to understand what in heaven you two are trying to tell me."





2028 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Trish Burnett's gallery
La Jolla, CA


"Harm, Sarah!" Trish exclaimed surprised when she saw them entering the gallery. "What a surprise!"

"We are on our way for lunch and thought maybe you wanted to join us?" Harm asked hopefully.

Not that he didn't want to spend lunch alone with Mac, but they still had a lot of things to talk about before Sunday, and the sooner they were said, the better Harm would feel.

"Oh, I would love to!" Trish squeaked joyfully. "Actually, I just got off the phone with Frank to ask him if we could meet for lunch. Now we're going to make it a family lunch at Michael's around the corner. Just let me get my purse and tell Gloria that I will be gone for lunch."

Trish disappeared in a small office at the back end of the gallery.

"This is really impressive." Mac whistled, studying some of the paintings at the wall.

"And she even makes money with all that crap."

Mac broke out in laughter, "Harmon Rabb!"

"C'mon, Mac, some of those look like painted by a 3 year old."

"This is modern art."

"Oh yeah, really? To me it looks like fallen over paint pots."

Mac slapped him playfully on his arm. Harm just grinned back at her broadly before his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"Remember what we talked about during the ride? It's now or never, Mac." he whispered into her ear when he saw his mother returning.

"I go for now, sailor."

2049 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Michael's
La Jolla, CA


Their order had been taken, the drinks been served, and now silence reigned at the table. Harm didn't really now how to approach the subject of Mac's pregnancy, and neither did Mac. Trish herself wasn't sure if she should bring that subject up on her own or not. At the end, it was Frank who spoke up.

"So, what will be the next step in your relationship? Have you discussed moving in together?"

"Actually, yes, we did." Harm nodded. "First thing in January we will see about a new place. Out of DC, in Virginia."

"And marriage?"

Trish quickly kicked her husband with her foot to let him know he better don't go into that right now. Harm and Mac had to suppress the smile on their faces when they saw Frank's reaction.

"Frank, I think Harm has something important to tell you." Mac quickly changed the subject and nudged Harm gently into his side.

Harm shot her a look of helplessness. Whatever she had in mind, he had no clue what it was - but at least, they had moved on from that marriage subject.

"Uhm, yeah, actually," Harm stammered, "Mac and I had a long talk yesterday, about the values of family, about how important family is... We all know that as a kid I never accepted you because you were not my biological father. Now looking back, I see that you did everything for me a father had done though you had no obligation to. It's a little late to start calling you dad cuz you've always been Frank to me, but Mac and I, we both want you to be the grandfather to the child Mac is expecting."

Silence fell at the table, and Trish only smiled broadly. No, that was not how Harm had expected this. Nobody saying a word, just staring at both of them with damn grins on both their faces.

"Harm," Trish started and placed her hand on top of her son's, "we knew."

Surprised, Harm turned to Mac who grinned at him sheepishly. Before she could say anything, Trish cut in.

"Sarah didn't tell me. I had my suspicions, and talked to Frank about it last night. When I found Sarah in the bathroom this morning, I was proven right. Harm, we are so thrilled for the both of you."

"We definitely are." Frank agreed. "You surprised me though by calling me the baby's grandfather. I don't know what to say, Harm, Sarah. I am honored."

"You will be the only grandparents this child will know. I wanted it that way."

"What about your parents, Sarah?" Frank inquired, totally clueless about the sensitive subject he was about to touch.

"My father died a couple of years ago, and I don't have any contact with my mother. I don't think she'd care." Mac replied shortly.

"Every mother cares about her child." Trish objected.

"Mine certainly didn't." Mac shot back. "Otherwise she wouldn't have abandoned me and left me behind with my abusive father."

Harm turned to her and squeezed her hand lightly to tell her that it was okay to talk about it if she needed. Frank and Trish would understand.

"If you rather don't want to talk about it, we understand. But remember one thing, Sarah. You are family now, and we love you."

"Thank you, Trish. It's just hard to talk about it. I thought I had left it all behind, but once in awhile I get reminded. When you told me this morning that children didn't care about their parents' mistakes, that they would still love them... I hated my dad for being a drunk, and I hated my mother for leaving me. I hated them for not loving me, for not caring about me. My mother broke my heart, and not only once. I don't want her anywhere near my children and give her the chance to break anymore hearts."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Sarah." Frank piped in. "There is nothing such as a perfect person in this world, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person."

"I know, I've made lots of mistakes as well, mistakes nobody ever can forgive me."

"Enough, okay?" Harm cut in, feeling that Mac had been caught in another of her pregnancy related roller coaster rides and would certainly crash if he didn't put an end to it right now.

"I love you, Sarah, and nothing can change that. Not the mistakes you have made years ago, nor any mistakes you still will make. I made mistakes too and I had my obsessions. I love you for who you are and not for anything else."

Mac smiled at him, tears welling in her eyes. She sniffed and quickly brushed them away, embarrassed by the sight she was creating in front of Harm's parents.

"Harm, there are so many things your parents don't know about me. I feel they have a right to know. You have been so kind to me, welcomed me with open arms. I've never felt so much like home in my own family."

"Sarah, like I said before, if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

Mac shook her head, "No, Trish. I want you, need you to understand what being part of your family means to me. I still remember times when I woke as a kid and heard my father slapping my mother around when he was drunk. She left the night of my 15th birthday. I don't even remember a time when my father was sober. I don't remember him asking how I was doing in school, comforting me when I was sick, the little things that make your day. 2 years later, I was an alcoholic like him and ran away with the first guy that crossed my path and married him. I thought I could escape hell at home, but instead I experienced hell on the road." Mac swallowed hard, seeing the expression of shock on both Trish and Frank's faces. "I dried out when I was 19, and joined the Marine Corps. That's when my life started to make a turn for the good."

Mac didn't know what she should think when she saw Trish reach for a glass of water and drown the whole thing in one, while Frank helplessly searched for the right words. Never had they expected that one fine lady like Mac had to suffer from a drunk, abusive father, from a mother who never cared about her in the last 15 years, and from alcoholism.

Mac sensed that the truth had been too much for the Burnett's to bear at once. Quickly, she sprung from her chair and ran across the restaurant in search for the restrooms while desperately trying to blink back her tears.

Harm apologetically looked at his mother and started to rise from his chair but stopped when he felt his mother's hand on top of his. She nodded at him, and then rose from her chair herself, in search for Mac.

Mac leaned over the sink in the restrooms, splashing water in her face to wash away the tears when she heard the door open and the 'clack' 'clack' of heels on the floor. She didn't even have to look up to know it was Trish Burnett.

"Are you all right, darling?" Trish asked and placed a hand on Mac's back.

"I guess so." Mac replied, turned off the water and looked up. "I shocked you, didn't I? I am certainly not the person you want in your son's life."

"Nonsense, Sarah." Trish interrupted her thought immediately. "But yes, to be honest, what you told us shocked me, but I won't judge you for that. I've come to known you as a strong, honest and loyal person. My son loves you more than anything else in this world, and you are carrying my first grandchild. People change, Sarah. You did, Harm did, I did, we all did. You grow up to learn from your mistakes. You didn't know anything else than to drown your sorrow in alcohol. You chose alcohol, Harm chose years of rebellion against Frank. Your mother may not care about you, Sarah darling, but we do, Harm, Frank and I. We all love you dearly. We love you for who you are now, and not for who you have been 15 years ago."

Trish tenderly brushed a lock of Mac's hair out of her face.

"I know what you are afraid of, Sarah Mackenzie. You never had the best role models in your life, you didn't know what it was to be loved, but this will change. You have so much love to give to your child, and that is all it is going to need, trust me. Keep on being yourself, being on who you are now, and this baby will have
the best role models it can have."

"Thank you, Trish."

Trish smiled at her warmly, "One day, if you feel like it, you can start calling me mom."


Meanwhile, back at the table, Harm fidgeted with his fingers nervously.

"Stop it, son. Trish and Sarah will be all right. Sarah just needed a little girl talk. After all, she just poured her heart out to us, two persons she barely knows. And we didn't quite react the way she hoped we would. Give her a couple of minutes. She will be all right."

"I guess so." Harm replied. "Frank, I know I haven't been the best son either, and some of the things I did and said as a kid..."

Frank immediately raised his hand to stop Harm, "Don't go back to the past. It's all forgotten."

"Maybe for you, but not for me. Harm SR was always my hero, the Naval aviator I looked up to. But he was not there when I grew up. You were. You came to my school plays, you watched me play in junior league. You helped me built my first remote control plane. You gave me driving lessons, you listened to me when I got my heart broken for the first time. You did all those things my father never could do with me." Harm chuckled nervously, "It took me 20 years to realize that you were more a father to me than Harm SR ever had the chance to be because he was taken away from me so soon and I was so young. I resented that more than I resented you in fact but it's taken me all this time to come to terms with that. I guess I just wanted to say thank you - dad."

Trish and Mac returned to table only to hear Harm call Frank 'dad'. Trish was shocked at first, but when Frank reached his hand out to her and nodded at her, she smiled and took her place next to her husband.

"Are you all right?" Harm asked concerned as Mac took her seat next to him.

"I am." she assured him and squeezed his hand lightly. "I am sorry for that little display earlier. Every now and then the pregnancy jumbles up all my hormones."

"I think I have to get used to that soon."

"You better!"




2350 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Mac had decided to take a catnap after they had returned from lunch. She was lying in one of the lounge chairs on the patio covered with a blanket and sound asleep when Harm checked on her.

Smiling, he brushed a strand of her hair out of her face and kissed her on her forehead when he heard his mother step outside. He got up and turned towards her, gesturing for her that Mac had fallen asleep.

"She was a little tired so I told her to take a nap." Harm explained as he stepped into the living room.

"How about you, Harm? You need rest as well."

"I am fine, mom. My ankle doesn't hurt anymore, and my shoulder only occasionally hurts when I move my arm too fast. Didn't you say at lunch that you had a lot of things to take care of at the gallery?"

"Gloria will take care of it. I thought I could take my soon-to-be daughter-in-law to the mall and do some baby shopping."

"I think she'd like that."

"And while we talk about shopping, I know this nice little jewelry store three blocks East of the gallery..."

"MOM!" Harm interrupted his mother right away.

"Harmon Rabb JR, when you told me you were pretty sure Sarah would not accept your proposal, I trusted your judgement since I didn't know all of the details about your relationship, but now that I do, now that I know that there is a baby on the way I have to say this: get your rear going and propose to her!" Trish scolded at
her son.

"You exactly said why I don't want to ask her to marry me. I know Sarah well enough to know that once I pop that question now, she'll accuse me of asking her only because she is pregnant. I will have a hard time convincing her that the only reason I asked her is that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She needs time, mom, and so do I. I've never been someone for long-term relationships, neither has Mac. I want to do this right, I don't want to mess things up. I know the moment Mac is ready to consider marriage, she will talk to me about it - like we talked about having a baby when she was ready to try. I don't want to force her into anything. Besides, I don't see what a piece of paper called a marriage license will change for us. We both know we belong together, and that's all that is important right at this moment."

Trish put a smile on her face and gently caressed her son's cheek,"But promise me you won't wait forever to propose to her."

"One day, Sarah will be Mrs. Harmon Rabb JR, I promise you. But for now, she'll be Sarah Mackenzie, the woman I love more than anything else."

0035 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


When Mac sleepily opened her eyes, she looked up into the smiling face of Harmon Rabb JR. He was sitting on a second lounge chair he had pulled next to hers and was obviously watching her.

"Hey." she smiled. "How long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?"

"A couple of minutes." Harm replied honestly. "Have I ever told you that you look so beautiful when you sleep?"

"Only when I sleep?" Mac countered, arching an eyebrow.

Harm shook his head and lowered it to gently kiss Mac on the lips, letting it linger for a while. After they broke the kiss, Mac scooted closer to the edge of the lounge chair and indicated for Harm to lay down next to her. A moment later, her head was resting on his good shoulder, and they were both snuggled under the warm blanket.

"I just had such a wonderful dream."

"Care to share, Marine?"

"Family Christmas." was all Mac said and snuggled closer in Harm's arms.

"So, you saw you, me - and a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know if we had a son or a daughter. I remember us sitting in front of the Christmas tree in a heap of presents, and you were bouncing our little one in your lap."

"What did junior look like?" Harm asked excitedly.

"I don't remember clearly. All I remember is a pair of piercing blue eyes, a smile to die for and sweet giggling and laughter that made my heart overfill with joy."

Harm began to chuckle, "My looks, your brains."

"I think so."

"Or my looks and my brains as well!"

Mac grimaced and nudged Harm slightly with her elbow, causing him to groan.

"Oh, I completely forgot about your ribs. Sorry."

"For a moment, you literally took my breath."

Harm smiled at her, indicating for her that he was all right. He cupped her face with his hand and pulled her into a tender kiss.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Mac sighed after she'd broken the kiss.

"Lying in a lounge chair on my mother's porch?" Harm chuckled.

"No, just away from everything with nothing to worry about."

"What are you worried about?"

"Nothing I guess. It's just the strange feeling in my gut. It feels like butterfly wings flying in my stomach."

"I know that feeling." Harm murmured and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "When I have butterfly wings in my stomach, it means I am madly in love with someone. You were the first woman who ever gave me butterfly wings, Sarah."

"I like it when you call me Sarah. I wish you'd do that more often. It makes me feel I am loved."

"You like it when I call you that? Sarah... Sarah... Sarah..."

Harm started to trail butterfly kisses down her neck while whispering her name over and over. Mac closed her eyes to completely enjoy the feel of his lips lightly brushing against her skin as he spoke her name and the feel of his hands on her back, gently caressing her through the denim material of her shirt.

One thing about Harm she loved was the fact that he could make her forget about really everything sometimes and make her mind go blank. She had never told him, but whenever she was lost in his arms, she wasn't able to keep track of time anymore. Time didn't matter in these moments, all that mattered was them being together.

Her hands blindly tucked at his shirt to pull it out of his pants before they snaked under it to roam his bare back, sending the electricity through his body like he did with her.

The heat that rose in both their bodies had nothing to do with the thick blanket covering them, they were aware of that. 4 days and nights without any physical and sexual contact suddenly were too much to bare.

"Make love to me, Harm." Mac naughtily whispered into his ear and started to nibble at his earlobe, letting him forget about their surroundings for a moment.

As unexpectedly as Harm had started his sweet assault on Mac, he stopped as he removed his hands from her back and moved to pull hers out of his shirt.

"My mother is inside." he simply said, knowing that if they kept being locked in their tight embrace of love, they certainly would give Trish a show.

"I thought she had to work." Mac mumbled, her lips brushing against Harm's throat.

"Ah, she said she wanted to go baby shopping with you." Harm replied, swallowing hard at Mac's teasing.

Finally, Mac stopped and looked up at him.

"Baby shopping? Don't you think it's a little early for that?"

"Don't start arguing with my mom there. She loves to go shopping like every woman does."

"With one exception - I pretty much hate it. Whenever I find something I like, it costs more than I can afford. That's part of the deal when living in Georgetown."

"That's one of the reasons why we will move to Virginia pretty soon." Harm crooked his eyebrow, "Will you do my mom the pleasure and go baby shopping? It's her first grandchild. She's so excited."

"All right, I'll go with her though I'd rather stay right where I am for the rest of the day. What about you?"

"Oh, I'd definitely like to stay like this for the rest of my life!" Harm chuckled.

Mac rolled her eyes and playfully slapped him on his good arm.

"I think I'll just stay back here and give you some time to shop and get to know each other a little better. Have some girl talk you know. We have a lot of time to go shopping together in DC. Like picking out the nursery wallpaper, a crib, lots and lots of wall and window decorations..."

"I'll remind you of that when it comes to go shopping for maternity clothes for me."

"Anytime, Sarah."

0103 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
San Diego, CA


"Sarah, honey, what do you think about this one?" Trish asked and held up a pastel green colored sleeper with white lace around the neck.

"It looks terrific, Trish. I am not sure though if I would want to dress my girl in boy clothes." Mac chuckled, indicating the little race car stitched on front.

Trish stood stunned for a moment.

"Oh no, we don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl." Mac quickly added. "I am not sure if I even want to know. I think I rather want to be surprised. It would too bad though if we pick out boys clothes now and it is going to be a girl. Unisex would be better."

Going through the racks again, Trish picked up a darling light blue sleeper with puffy clouds stitched all over and a yellow moon in front. Holding it up, she turned back to Mac.

"They didn't have all that technical stuff back when I was expecting Harm, but I always had this feeling that he would be a boy. And I was right. Though he decided to make his appearance two weeks before my due date."

"I think Harm can never be on time." Mac chuckled and nodded her approval at the sleeper. "I hope this baby will have my timing. Otherwise I think we'll be in a little trouble. My due date is July 6th."

"Oh, an Independence Day baby, that would be terrific, Sarah."

"Just what Harm said." Mac replied absentmindedly as she sorted through another rack of velvet sleepers. "I don't know though if I want to give birth on Independence Day."

"If you don't mind, Frank and I would love to come to DC that week to be with you."

"I'd love to have my family there, Trish." Mac smiled. Turning around, she held up a dark blue velvet sleeper, looking like a sailor suit. "Do you think Harm would like that?"

"Oh, he will love it. I think with you as parents, this baby's first words will be 'Go Navy'."

"Nah, 'Semper Fi' would be more appropriate."

Both woman started to laugh as they walked around the racks towards the darling little shoes and hats.

"I thought I would never live to the day my son would come home telling me I would be a grandmother. He has never been someone for long-term relationships. I think the reason was because he never met the right woman until he met you, Sarah. For quite some time I thought I had to lock up you two and first let you out of the room when you've confessed your feelings for each other."

"Trish, how did you know about Harm and I? You've never met me before, and I know Harm didn't tell you anything about his feelings for me."

"Oh dear, a mother knows." was Trish's simple reply. "From the day your children are born, you will know what they miss without them having to tell you. You will know if they hurt, you will know their sorrows. They don't have to tell you about their greatest love in the whole world, a mother always knows."

Trish smiled at Mac who had stopped sorting through the hats to listen to her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Trish continued.

"The first time Harm told me about his new partner, there was something in his voice, something in the words he chose that made me feel you were special to him. When he called, he told me you were to lunch or dinner, went out to see a movie together, little things that let me know he cared about you deeply. It was every day's life he told me about, nothing fancy, but I knew what spending time with you meant to him."

"I hope you realize how much Harm means to me as well, Trish."Mac said. "Never in my life I had met a man like him. I want you to know that intentionally, I would never do anything to hurt him. I love him more than I have loved anyone before, more than I thought I could ever love someone."

"And so does Harm, Sarah."

"I heard you bring up the subject of marriage a couple of times."

"Oh, I hope then you also heard my son's replies to my questions."

Mac nodded her head, "I am not ready for that step yet, Trish. As much as I love Harm and the child we are expecting, I am not quite ready to become Mrs. Harmon Rabb yet. Can you understand that?"

"To be honest, dear, no, I can't. You told me you love my son, so why this hesitation towards marriage?"

"It has nothing to do with loving Harm any less. I love my life the way it is at the moment, with Harm at my side just as the man I love, not the man I am married to. Harm is my best friend, so what else do I want? There's nothing in our relationship that a piece of paper can change. In my heart, I know I am his and he is mine. That is all that matters to me at this very moment."

"Harm and you are so much alike, you know that, Sarah? He doesn't need to use any words to tell me how he feels about you and marriage, but what you just told me was Harm all over. In your heart, you will know the time when you are ready to commit in the presence of God, dear."

"Thanks, Trish. It means a lot to me that you at least try to understand me. All my life I've had to defend myself for the decisions I made and the turn my life took, but with Harm this is so much different. He doesn't question anything in my life, he supports me in whatever I do. Now I know why he is the way he is. He got it from you, Trish. I wish my mother was at least a little like you, then my life probably would have turned out different."

"But then you probably never would have met Harm." Trish snickered, brushing a lock of Mac's hair out of her face. "I always wanted a daughter like you, Sarah. I know I won't be like a mother to you, you barely know me, but I want us to be friends, good friends."

A smile appeared on Mac's face when she heard Trish's words.

"Friends for starters." Mac said. "I still have to get used to having a mother-like figure in my life. But to be honest, it feels good to know that someone actually cares about me."

"Oh, we do, Sarah. You are what makes my son smile, what makes him live his life, take breath after breath. That's what is important."

"You have raised one good man, Trish."

"I know. And you and Harm will do as good a job with my grandchild, I am sure about that."

0138 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


Harm sat on the floor in his room, a couple of boxes in front of him. One after the other, he had brought them up from the basement. He didn't know whether his mother had any idea that he kept them there in the very back under loads of other useless things.

Knowing that it was time to let go of the past, time to look into the future, he picked up the lit of the first one and spilled the contents on the floor in front of him, quickly followed by the contents of the second and third box.

Pictures, drawings, articles, notes, books, cards... all came to a rest in a heap of scrambled papers. Picking up what lay on top, he turned the dusted card around.

It was a postal card with a picture of the USS Ticonderoga shortly before the ship had been put to rest, years after his father had flown off deck on Christmas Eve only to be shot down by the Vietcong.

Harm remembered the day he had picked it up at a bookstore near elementary school. It had been the day after his 9th birthday, and he had only thought about buying the brand new Marvel comic with his birthday money, but instead, he had left the shop with a card about the USS Ticonderoga and a book about the history of the Navy's carrier, the two carriers his father had served on included, the Ticonderoga and the Hornet.

Sorting through the papers, he finally found what he was looking for. His father's graduation picture from the Annapolis Naval Academy. He had stolen it from one of his grandma's photo albums when he had been a kid, not older than 11 or 12. The first time he had seen this photo, his father looking at him with pride and
honor, he knew that he wanted to become a man of pride and honor as well, an officer with the United States Navy.

For years, he had it under his pillow when sleeping, it rested in his pocket when he was attending the Naval Academy himself - and the first time he set his food on a carrier as a Naval Aviator, this very same picture was with him. It told a story about the bond between a father and his son, a father that never knew his son, and a son that grew up to live to his father's heir.

And about a son that finally found a way to let go. Not to let go of the memories, but to let go of false expectations, to let go of the man he was named after, the man he called his father but lost so early - the man that he hardly knew at all.

What were his memories of Harmon Rabb SR? A couple of tapes he sent home and a trip to the USS Hornet. No Christmases together he could remember, no birthdays, no holidays. He had always been far away serving on a carrier.

What was left of a man called Harmon Rabb SR? A couple of photos, a dozen tapes, and a name at the Vietnam Memorial - nothing else. No memories.

"What are you doing there?"

Harm whirled around at the sound of Frank's voice.

"Putting the past to a rest, dad." he replied, shoving the stuff back into the boxes.

Frank squatted next to Harm and fingered the items he was looking at. Picking up a picture, he first looked at it before he placed it in one of the empty boxes, helping Harm to clean the floor.

"But don't put them away too far, son. Memories are a very important part of life. They make up who we are and who we hope to be; and they remind us when we're not living up to the ideals and goals we've set."

"Thanks." Harm said simply, reaching for the big roll of tape and beginning to seal the box. "I think I've accomplished all my ideals and goals. I've got a great career, a great life, the woman I love and a baby on the way."

"Whatever you say, Harm, these aren't going far. Just being tucked away for now. Someday my grandchildren will ask about their father's real dad and together, we'll explain the whole thing to them. And then we'll get this out and they can see that they are part of a long and proud Rabb lineage."

For a long minute there was only the sound of the tape being dispensed. Finally Harm stood and wiped his hands.

"All done!" he smiled.

"How about you and I take those back to where they belong?" Frank asked, and picked up one of the boxes and handed it to Harm before he picked up the remaining two.

They stored them back where they had been sitting before, all the way in the back of the basement. They were just on their way back upstairs when they heard the front door being opened and giggling sounds emanating that obviously came from Mac and Trish.

"Hey, what did you do in the basement?" Trish asked her husband and son when they caught sight of them.

"Ah, I was..." Harm started, but was cut off by Frank.

"Harm was looking for that old model plane we built together. That old red Steerman you know? I thought I had seen it down in the basement."

"I think it is in the garage." Trish replied irritated, knowing that Frank had hung it up there only a couple of months ago.

"Oh, right." Frank coaxed, gently shoving Harm towards the door. "We'll be right back."

The two woman looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and made their way into the living room to unpack the boxes and bags they were carrying.

0642 ZULU
Thursday, December 20th
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, CA


"Will you tell me what you bought today?" Harm asked and pulled Mac closer to him.

They were snuggled under the warm comforter in bed, and Mac had almost drifted off to sleep in his embrace.

"I'll save it for Christmas." Mac mumbled sleepily. "Your mom's wish. Will you tell me what Frank and you did in the basement earlier? It sure was not looking for a model plane."

"We stored a couple of boxes away. I didn't want my mom to know about them."

Mac turned around in his arms to face him.

"Putting the past to a rest?" she asked while her fingers tenderly caressed his cheek.

"Yeah. I thought about throwing all that stuff away, but Frank reminded me that my past is as important as is my future. I put all my ideals and goals in those boxes, and one day, I want to show that to our children. That's why they ended up in the basement again instead of the trash can."

"I am glad." Mac murmured against his chest as her eyes drifted close.

"Sarah?"

"Hmm?"

"With my mom and Frank talking about marriage and everything, do you want to get married?"

"Do you?" she asked back sleepily.

"I don't know. I mean, I would love for us to get married one day, but out of the right reasons. When we know for us it is the right step to do, and not because everybody expects us to tie the knot because a baby is on the way. I don't want to be pushed into making that decision right now."

"Neither do I. Would we be talking about getting married if I wasn't pregnant?"

"I don't think so - which doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life together with you, Sarah."

"Me too, Harm. I love you more than anything else, don't you ever forget that."

"Not in a million years. You mean the world to me, Sarah Mackenzie. Thank you for loving me."

"No, thank you for loving me." she murmured, barely awake at all.

Harm smiled and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before he closed his eyes to drift off to sleep as well.

And within the confines of the boxes stored in the basement was the past of a man called Harmon Rabb JR, and the life growing within Sarah Mackenzie was the future, their future - a future yet not written for them, but well planned. And for the time being, all was right with the world.