Disclaimer: The characters of JAG don't belong to me. I just borrowed them from Bellisarius Productions, Paramount and CBS for this story. No infringement intended.

A Lover is Forever
Chapter I:
Mistakes

1643 ZULU
USS Providence
Atlantic Ocean


Quarters were tight on the USS Providence, a Los Angeles class submarine. Last time they had been assigned to investigate on a submarine, Chegwidden had warned Harm that there was a lot of crouching to do on the USS Watertown, which was Seawolf class. Rubbing his head after he hitting it at one of the pipes again, he silently muttered that whenever Chegwidden had said Los Angeles class was bigger, he had forgotten to add the fact that it was only a difference of twelve feet in length!

Groaning, he slammed the door to his quarters close behind him, and immediately bumped into Mac who had just finish typing her report on the laptop, as she sat at the small table in the room. Silently, he plopped down into the bottom bunk, and bumped his head once again.

"About 4 inches too tall, Sailor." Mac chuckled. "Let me see that."

She sat down on the bunk next to him and took a closer look at the forming bump on the crown of Harm's head.

"Remember when Chegwidden said Los Angeles class was bigger? I think I have to correct him on that one. Why did he send us anyway, knowing our track record with submarines?"

"Hey, we did good last time. Now quit complaining. Where did you get that bump from anyway? You were rubbing your head already when you came in."

"Chief Ford wanted to show me that the damaged torpedo tube II had been messed with. There's a hole the size of a baseball in it. They're checking out the other tubes now for any kind of damage."

Mac got up to get the cold bottle of water that was sitting next the laptop. She grabbed it, then applied the cold bottle to Harm's swollen head.

"Did you see what caused the hole?"

"Looked like some strong acid. Remember that stuff that burned your fingers? I bet we can find something similar on this submarine."

"This leaves us with the question who is tampering with this ship."

"What about Seaman Phillips? What did he say when you questioned him?"

"He's just a kid, Harm. I don't even think he has the knowledge to do something like that. But whoever it is, we have to find him real quick. I mean, first it was the radar malfunction, then the oxygen tanks were damaged, and now there's a hole in the torpedo tube. For all intents and purposes, I don't want to be on this ship if it's sinks...."

A loud explosion rattling the submarine from side to side cut off Mac. She fell from the bunk, and before she could react, the table came crashing down over her, and everything around her went black.

The tail end of the submarine began to sink rapidly, and Harm held fast to the bunk, as to not fall out of it. Holding on with one hand, he tried to move the table off of Mac, but wasn't very successful.

The locker next to the door came down crashing loudly, blocking the door, and things kept falling and flying around the cabin. A siren was blaring in the distance and screaming voices were heard.

Suddenly, the ship's stern banged on the bottom of the sea. Moments later when the bow end hit, the shaking stopped, and they were surrounded by deadly silence.

Harm climbed out of the bunk and onto the fallen locker, then grabbed the table and chair that covered Mac and moved them off of her.

"C'mon, Marine!" he cried and pulled her into a sitting position the best he could.

Mac slowly shook her head, then opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"What happened?" she asked wearily, while rubbing the pain in her chest with her hand.

"I have no idea. Let me find out."

He helped Mac into the bunk, and then moved towards the door to open it. Unfortunately, the toppled locker blocked the door. Quickly scanning his surroundings, he realized that there was no way to lift the locker and move it back to its place to get the door open. It was wedged on the opposing wall, having shattered the wooden framing of the cabin.

Breaking in the door wasn't an option either; given the fact the door was made of steel. The screaming voices outside and the blaring siren had faded, but Harm didn't start to worry until water trickled into the cabin from under the door.

"Oh shit, we're taking on water!" he screamed and dashed across the room, ripping the blanket and sheets from the top rack stuffing them under the door to slow the water.

"We sank, didn't we?"

Harm silently nodded his head. As much as he wanted to tell Mac different, he couldn't. Turning away from her, he reached for the phone attached at the wall next to door, but when he picked up the receiver, he held the whole thing in his hand, the wires ripped from the wall. The heavy locker struck the flimsy piece of plastic on it's way to the floor.

"Do you think you can make it into the top bunk, Mac?"

"Sure."

Harm helped Mac get into the top bunk, and handed her the blanket from the bottom bunk. Grabbing the mattress, he stuffed it between the door and the locker to stop the water once it had started to seep through the blanket and sheet. Then he started banging at the door, calling for help.

After five minutes, he still hadn't heard an answer, and he realized that everyone around them might be dead, or trapped like they were. Not knowing what else to do, he grabbed one of the fallen off steel legs of the table, and then he climbed into the top bunk to Mac.

"This is it, huh?" Mac whispered, not daring to say the words out loud.

"I am sure there's help on the way." he reassured her, trying to convince himself as well.

"Harm, we're 150 miles off the coast, at the bottom of the ocean. This submarine obviously is heavily damaged, and we're trapped. Why do you always have to be so damn optimistic?" Mac demanded.

"I was born that way. Besides..." he started banging on the wall with the pipe, three short strokes, three long, "They will heard this. This has to be heard."

Another five minutes later, they both had splitting headaches that could have killed from the echoes in the cabin. Finally resigning the noisy tapping, Harm dropped the pipe to the ground.

"They won't come, will they?"

"They will, just give them time."

Harm reached out his arms and pulled Mac close to him. There they sat, waiting for help.

1858 ZULU
USS Providence
Atlantic Ocean

They were still in the top bunk, sitting silent for the last two hours. Neither had dared to say anything. The water was now knee high in the cabin, and still there was no sign of help anywhere. No voices heard outside their cabin, no knocking sounds, nothing. At least the light hadn't gone out yet, but given the fact the bulb had flickered from time to time, there wasn't a question if it would go out eventually, it was a question of when.

Mac silently counted the minutes since they had sunk, one hundred, thirty-two minutes and 45 seconds to be exact. Plenty of time for a rescue team to have gotten there, or at least let them know that they were on the way. She thought maybe their priority was to save the ship and all inside, rather than search for individuals that may be dead.

She'd given up hope the moment her internal clock had told her that 2 hours had passed. As much as she wanted to think positive, she couldn't anymore.

"I never thought it would end like this." she whispered, and reached for Harm's hand which was placed around her shoulders, their fingers intertwining. "At least we are in here together."

Feeling her diamond engagement ring pressed into his finger, Harm couldn't help but stare at it.
Though Mac couldn't see what he was looking at, her instincts told her it was her engagement ring. This was not the way she had pictured the end.

"Harm, I..." she started, but he immediately silenced her by placing two fingers on her lips.

"I know, Mac. I know." he replied, and tightened the embrace. In his heart, he knew what Mac wanted to tell him, she didn't need to say it out loud.

"You don't." she spoke up again. "I don't want to face the end without saying this. I don't want to sit here waiting for the end in silence, I don't want to miss out on telling you how much you mean to me." Turning into his embrace, she know sat face to face with Harm.

"I love you, Harmon Rabb." she whispered. "I always have and always will. Nothing more can keep me from you. We may not have been the best of friends lately, but I don't wanna die without you knowing that my heart has always been yours. From the moment I met you, it's you I've always wanted."

"I know. I think I've always known." he replied and brushed away a tear forming in the corner of her eye. "I love you more than life, Sarah. I'd give everything to get you out of here, safely. This shouldn't be the way it ends for us. But I won't let this chance pass without telling you how grateful I am to have had you in my life, Sarah Mackenzie. I loved you, yet I never told you. I have so many regrets I don't want standing in the way of what I am about to say. Sarah, my love, pledge to me your life, right here, and right now. At least for the last few hours we have left, we can make one dream come true. Marry me."

"Yes." was her only reply before she brushed her lips over his. Pulling back slightly, she brought their joined hands to her lips as she said, "I, Sarah Mackenzie, do take you, Harmon Rabb JR, to be my husband until death do us part."

Then she kissed the back of his hand, and listened to Harm say, "I, Harmon Rabb JR, do take you, Sarah Mackenzie, to be my wife until death do us part."

He first placed a light kiss on the back of Mac's hand, then he lowered his head to hers for a gentle kiss. They both closed their eyes when their lips met tender and sweet. In the face of death, they had both found each other, even if was only meant to be for a few more hours.

Mac brushed her tongue over the seam of his lips, and he willingly offered her more when he opened his mouth to her. So sweet he was to her, so warm and welcoming. Bringing herself closer to him, she rubbed her hands up and down his back before they found their way into his hair. Her fingers threaded into his short hair, and she eased his face as close as she could to savor each and every sensation.

The moment was suspended when Harm reached for her warm face and pulled back. He searched for Mac's dark brown eyes, and upon locking with her gaze, he no longer saw the desperation in them he had seen before, but a mixture of desire and love.

"Harm," she said as she nestled her face in the crook of his shoulder, "any other time and place this might be wrong, but right now this feels so right to me. I want you to make love to me, for the first and last time together."

"Are you sure you want to do this? Right here in a sinking submarine?"

"Right here, right now. I want you."

Mac rubbed her body against his, and suddenly all thoughts and doubts fled, replaced by a sizzling heat and a pounding desire. Their surroundings were forgotten, and it was just Harm and Sarah, taking their newfound love to the next level before it was too late.

Their love making was as emotional as it could be, as sensual as they allowed themselves to be, as slow as they could endure it, and as fulfilling as it could be when two souls destined for each other finally were joined the way they were meant to be.

When it was over, Harm found himself staring into Mac's brown eyes, darkened by need, and rounded by wonders.

"Sarah," Harm started, but Mac immediately placed her fingers on his lips to silence.

"Not now."

She placed her head down on his chest, listening to his still fast heartbeat. For quite some time, she just listened to his low breathing, savored each and every feeling that ran through her when his hand caressed each and every inch of her back, until her eyes drifted close and she fell into a fitful sleep in his arms, all fear of facing death being forgotten for one reason - she was together with the man she loved more than anything.

2013 ZULU
USS Providence
Atlantic Ocean

They were jolted awake by a loud pounding that echoed through their cabin, and voices that were calling. Harm raised his head, realizing that the light had finally gone out and it was pitch dark in the room.

"Hello?" they heard the voices scream again. "Anyone alive?"

Harm's gaze locked with Mac's, and at the exact same moment, they both started to cry for help.

"We're here!" they screamed, and Harm released Mac from the tight embrace.

He wriggled out from under her and hopped from the bunk, only to realize that he was standing in hip deep water - and still was completely naked. No, that was not how he could face their rescuers. His hands blindly searched for the heap of the clothes they had left in the top bunk, and finally found his boxers. He quickly put them on, then his shirt and waded through the water towards the door.

"In here!" he called and banged his fists against the door. "We're trapped, I can't open the door."

"Who are you?" a voice asked from the other side of the door.

"Cmdr. Harmon Rabb JR and Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie, JAG Corps."

"All right, sir. Before we can open the door, we need to know what exactly it looks like in your cabin, if there are any holes in the walls, or if there is water in your cabin."

"No holes in the walls." Harm answered. "A locker fell over and is blocking the door from this side, I can't pull it open. And I am standing in hip deep water here."

"Okay. If you can stand back from the door, we will try opening it."

Harm retreated from the door, and in the dark fell over the table that was swiming in the cabin. Cursing that damn thing loudly and rubbing the spot on his thigh where it had hit him, he finally made his way back to the bunk beds, and climbed into the top bunk to Mac.

"We're going home, Mac." he said all too excitedly as he cupped her face and placed a quick kiss on her lips. "We're going home!"

Mac just nodded silently, before she reached for the coverall which was lying discarded in the back to get dressed. They bumped into each other a few times while getting dressed due to their cramped quarters, but finally, they both succeeded to at least get the coverall on. Shoes were out of mind, and out of reach.

Harm was trembling impatiently when their rescuers finally started to work on the door, but Mac was only numb. No, this was not how it was supposed to work. They had made love to each other - how could she possibly face Harm again after doing that? How could she possibly face Mic, knowing that she had betrayed her fiancé?

"We're going home!" Harm told her once again. "We're going to live!"

Mac couldn't say anything. Just two hours ago, she was thinking of her future as a couple of more hours trapped in the submarine, lying in Harm's arms. Now, what was her future? She had a fiancé back in DC, but yet in the face of death, she had vowed to love Harm until death would them part. What was she going to do?

She pulled her knees up to her body, and wrapped her arms around her, shivering. Shivering not because of the coolness the water had brought, more because of the awareness that what they had done just a few hours ago suddenly had become more than just a desperate messure to convey their love for each other.

The door was taken from its angles only a few minutes later, and the bright ray of a flashlight lit up the cabin. They both quickly adjusted to the new brightness both the flashlight and the lights put up outside brought inside, and Harm's eyes lit up.

"Commander, Colonel, this way please." the young Lieutenant smiled at them, and motioned for them to step outside of their quarters.

Harm once again hopped from the top bunk, then reached for Mac to help her down as well. Clasping his hand around her hips, he helped her stand on the slippery ground. Their gaze locked, and there it was back, the desperation in Mac's eyes. But this time, it was telling him, 'what have we done?'.

He lowered his hands from her hips, then quickly turned around and waded through the water towards the Lieutenant waiting at the door for them. Turning back, he saw that Mac was right behind him. For a very short moment, he debated with himself if he should reach out for Mac's hand - but then he didn't.

They were greeted by a Lieutenant Commander outside their cabin, and followed him all the way into a small rescue submarine where 6 rescued crew members of USS Providence were already waiting to see the bright shining sun again.

They were told to take the last two remain seats in the back of the small vehicle. Mac was still shivering when she sat down, but this time it was the cold water that had cooled down her body temperature. She was handed a blanket like everyone else in the submarine, and soon found the shivering stopped at least a little when the warm blanket covered her body.

Nobody spoke a word, neither of them looked at the other. As much as Harm wanted to reach out for Mac, to hold her in his arms, being strapped in his seat didn't give him the freedom he needed to do so. All he could do was covering her hand with his, but even then she had shrugged away from his cold touch.

Silence reigned inside the submarine until it emerged the deep black sea about 20 minutes later, and the bright sun shone inside. Loud cheering was heard when the hatch was opened, and a face appeared.

"Welcome to the USCGC Harriet Lane."

One after another, the crew members of the USS Providence were heaved out of the small vehicle, most of them having suffered several injuries, and Harm and Mac being the only ones who were not injured more than a few bumps here and there. When it was Mac's turn to climb outside, she reached for the hand that reached in from the outside the help her get up.

Immediately, Harm's hands were on her hips again to lift her up. She just looked at him, for a moment, then climbed outside into the cool fresh air. Her hair was immediately blowing in the wind, and she closed her eyes to savor the tickeling feeling of the salty air against her face. Taking a deep breath, she just stood on the deck, and for a moment, everything around her was forgotton - until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Mac," Harm said as he came up next to her, "there's hot tea downstairs, and dry clothes to change in."

He reached out his hand for her to guide her below deck. Hesitatingly, Mac finally took it, curling her fingers tightly around his. Harm tried to put a small smile on his lips, mostly to reassure himself that from this point on, everything was going to be all right for them. But deep inside he knew that this probably had been the end for everything that had started while they were trapped in their cabin. All he needed was Mac's silence to tell him.

2154 ZULU
USCGC Harriet Lane
Atlantic Ocean

The ship had taken on 2 officers from the USS Providence, 67 enlisted, and Harm and Mac. 10 officers, and 58 enlisted had been declared dead when the USCGC Harriet Lane set course for Portsmouth, VA.

Harm and Mac had changed into dry clothes, and now sat below deck, each with a cup of hot tea in their hands. Mac fingers tightly curled around the hot cup for warmth. Her eyes darted over the edge of the cup towards Harm, who sat opposite her at the small table, sipping on a cup of tea as well. She hadn't said a word since they had left the Providence, and she wasn't sure that if she opened her mouth to speak, she would say the words her mind told her, but her heart screamed not to.

As much as she hated to do this, but it had to end. She crooked her head to her side and studied her partner for a moment. There was something about him, something different in his eyes. Maybe it was the truth they had finally said, maybe it was his love for her, or maybe it was only the knowledge that he was going to live.

Her eyes dropped back to the cup of tea she was holding. She had started it, so she had to end it - even if she didn't want to.

"Harm," she finally croaked out, a coughing sound immediately following her voice. "I... we... we need to talk."

"How about we go on deck?" he replied, and reached one hand out for her.

She grabbed it, and together they walked the small stairs up to the deck. They stopped at the tail end, looking out at the horizon. Harm shortly hesitated, but then wrapped his arms around Mac's waist. She leaned her head against his shoulder; this was how they stood in silence for a couple of minutes, enjoying the wind blowing into their face, and the sun reflecting on the water, thanking God for being alive.

Harm sensed what was coming, and his hear started to ache. Just a couple of hours ago, he had found his Sarah, and yet he knew, it wasn't going to last any longer. But, he wasn't going to give up very easily.

"I'd rather be on the Providence right now." Harm whispered into her ear and tightened his arms around her. "Then I didn't have to listen to you telling me that everything was a mistake. That is coming right now, isn't it?"

"What else do you want me to say?" Mac retorted, her voice soft and tender. "Down there on the Providence, I thought my life was over. It was just you and me in that cabin, and nobody else. Up here, it's not only us anymore. I am engaged to Mic, and you have Renee."

"I don't want Renee. I want you."

"But you can't have me, don't you understand that?" Slowly, tears were welling in Mac's eyes, making this even harder for her.

"Why not?"

"Because this is not how it works. I am engaged to be married. Mic gave up his life in Australia to be with me."

"You know that marrying Mic for what he left behind for you is the wrong reason."

"I know, and that's not why I agreed to marry him. He makes me happy."

"Let me ask you this - up here, if it was only you and me, no Mic, no Renee - would you tell me the same thing?"

"No." Mac whispered. "But that's not the issue. It's not only you and me. If it was, I would march up to the skipper right away and ask him to marry us, to legalize what we've told each other on the Providence. But I can't! We can't! God, Harm, we've screwed up everything!"

"No, we did not. What happened in that submarine, it was just a very good reason to release all those feelings that have pent up in all those years. We both were given the opportunity to tell each other what we really feel. Do you want to throw that all away?"

"I don't want to, but I have to. This doesn't mean that I don't love you, I do, but we, you and me, Harm and Mac, we could never work out."

"Harm and Sarah could. They survived the Providence."

"No, they didn't." Mac dropped her head to her hands where her fingers were fidgeting with the diamond ring. "Harm and Sarah are burried on the ground of the ocean, in a cabin on the Providence."

Harm swallowed hard, suddenly realizing one thing. If Mac didn't want him, then he would have to live with that. In the end, all that mattered to him was her happiness, and if her happiness was with Brumby instead of with him, he'd have to live with that.

Turning her around in his arms, he tilted her chin up so they were looking into each other's eyes. His hands gently cupped her face, and his thumbs brushed away the few tears that were running down her cheeks, then placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"Be happy, Sarah." he said softly around the huge lump in his throat. "That's all I want, and that's all I will ever want - your happiness. I don't want to force you into something that doesn't make you happy. If you think you have to marry Mic to be happy, I guess I have to live with that."

Mac nodded silently, the tears still threatening to flow. Her mind told her this was the right decision to do, but her heart shattered into a million pieces, probably never to be whole again. She put a weak smile on her face when she saw the door to the stairs leading up to the bridge being opened. An Ensign approached them, stood at attention, and saluted.

"Sir, ma'am, the skipper wanted me to tell you that we'll be making port in ten minutes." he said. "An Admiral Chegwidden and a Lt. Cmdr. Brumby will be waiting for you at the dock to take you home."

"Thank you, Ensign." Mac replied, quickly turning her eyes away from Harm to not see the hurt a certain name caused. "Dismissed."

"Yes, ma'am." the Ensign saluted again before turning on his heels and leaving.

"I'm going back below deck to get another hot cup of tea before we are in Portsmouth. Are you coming?" Mac asked when they were finally alone.

"Not right now." Harm answered, staring out to sea at some invisible point in the distance. "I'm gonna stay topside for a few minutes more. We'll be in port soon, anyway. You'll meet me up here later."

Mac studied him for a moment, and if she didn't know it any better, she saw a single tear slipping down his cheek. Harm turned his face away from her quickly, so she just nodded and left. When Harm was sure she was gone, he let the tears that were welling up inside him finally find a release as they trailed down his face.