| |
|
|
 Wondrous Hope G
| | Posted: August 22, 2007 | It was strange how so much wonder, joy and hurt could be felt at the same time. The three were so far apart in likeness and so much the same for him. It was her. Her that brought these to him. It didn't help that he let himself be so distracted by her. She was unaware of him, hiding in the shadows. He had been there all day, dreaming, thinking when she walked in. She didn't see him and he didn't offer any sign of his presence. He just watched.
This was the wonder part. She was beyond his comprehension. Why she did what she did or said what she said. She was intricate work. So interlaced with passion and determination that ran down her very being. They breathed life into her.
Every movement was wielded with such grace. The simple way she tilted her head so her hair fell over her shoulders. The curve of her hips as her shirt snuggly clung to her. She was so beautiful. The simple sight of her caused his breathing to falter. Her presence ignited a soft warmth inside him. And if her eyes caught his then time seemed to stand still for a moment and no one existed except for her and him. And her smile...her smile felt like everything in him was alive. Every inch of him awakened as if from a deep sleep at the curve of her lips. Wonder. Love and Aeryn was a beautiful wonder.
The fact that he could even be near her again was the joy. Fate had to be on his side. She had left him. Fallen in love with another and went on with her life as his seemed to end. But she came back, broken, but she came back. He could never fix her. He knew a heart well enough to know when it is broken, you always lost some pieces in the mend. That would come later. For now he swam in the joy of her presence on Moya. Fate had returned her to him. And that deserved a smile, though one she would never see. He would mourn for her loss, but she could not expect him to be someone else. He was John and whether she liked it or not he was the same John she had spent the last couple cycles with. She would come to enjoy his company again. To find the joy he had been given when she stepped off the transport pod. She was joy and she was wonder and he reveled in the two feelings. He swam in the depth of emotion he felt for her. Love.
And then there was hurt. Behind everything else there was pain. No matter what he felt for her or how he needed her, he was not what she wanted. There was another. Someone he knew well that had taken her heart with him to the grave. For now, he could not have her because of that. He could only offer friendship and support. He would hide his true feelings. He would pretend and let everything else fade away. If that is what she wanted, what she needed, then he gave it gladly. Even if his chest felt ready to burst and the need for her love gnawed and ate at his inner being. He would pretend for her. And wait. Wait for when and if she ever saw him for who he was. Not the same. Not what she thought she wanted and needed, but what she could grow to like. He knew it would take time, but he also knew the pain and hurt he felt at being something she couldn't look at. He was a reminder, a ghost of something he could not be for her. Never would. He could only hope, pray she would one day see him as something different, in a new light. That what she wanted, what she needed was right in front of her, waiting. He would always be waiting. She was worth it and that is what his heart needed.
So he sat and watched, until the wonder and joy faded and he felt her presence a burden on himself. Quietly he stood and glanced once more at the woman his heart called home. The pain was not from her presence really, but the reality that his heart yearned for her. As he watched her, talked with her, noting every and any smile, that she was doing the same with another. Inside her memory she did the same, with him. That was what hurt. He took in one final breath, almost unwillingly, and turned. Left her to gaze at the stars and find what little joy she could in the memory of another. He would do it for her. Always for her and in the end he could only hope it would come together to be for him.
|  | | |
|
|
